- depression/anxiety/dealing · 1) EVERYTHING · 3) THOUGHTS

the height of introspection

Wow. wow wow wow wow wow. I don’t think I’ve never been at such a loss for words.

It sort of feels wrong to be so content when so many awful, awful things are happening in the world. But I firmly believe that once you’ve helped yourself, you can then begin to help others, and that’s a path I am finally on.

I’ve now got an ADD/ADHD inattentive diagnosis, and this is my fifth day on meds. Responsibilities are being taken care of, obligations are being fulfilled, communication is happening.

I am constantly on the verge of tears. Tears of gratitude for the understanding of how it feels to operate functionally; tears of relief that the chaos in my mind is legitimate and controllable.

I can trust myself. My brain is no longer is a hindrance to me – it’s an asset.

I was once hopping from each small light of hope to the next, praying to the empty universe that I wouldn’t fall too far in between. But now, it’s like a garden of hope and possibility has bloomed around me, and I can walk through its wonders without the crushing fear that the vines will strangle me the minute I turn my back.

Sorry, my writing and grammar have taken a bit of a hit from the Adderall. Just something I have to work through, but I’ll do so happily.

Life is not perfect – I do have to deal with certain side effects, and beginning college won’t be easy with these transitions. But thank the gods – life is no longer hopeless.

My heart is so full.

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2 thoughts on “the height of introspection

  1. I’m so proud of you and so so so genuinely happy to hear this. This state is unthinkable to me and to hear of it is encouraging. Just take things easy, and keep smiling.
    Keep on keeping on, Z.

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