Wow. wow wow wow wow wow. I don’t think I’ve never been at such a loss for words.
It sort of feels wrong to be so content when so many awful, awful things are happening in the world. But I firmly believe that once you’ve helped yourself, you can then begin to help others, and that’s a path I am finally on.
I’ve now got an ADD/ADHD inattentive diagnosis, and this is my fifth day on meds. Responsibilities are being taken care of, obligations are being fulfilled, communication is happening.
I am constantly on the verge of tears. Tears of gratitude for the understanding of how it feels to operate functionally; tears of relief that the chaos in my mind is legitimate and controllable.
I can trust myself. My brain is no longer is a hindrance to me – it’s an asset.
I was once hopping from each small light of hope to the next, praying to the empty universe that I wouldn’t fall too far in between. But now, it’s like a garden of hope and possibility has bloomed around me, and I can walk through its wonders without the crushing fear that the vines will strangle me the minute I turn my back.
Sorry, my writing and grammar have taken a bit of a hit from the Adderall. Just something I have to work through, but I’ll do so happily.
Life is not perfect – I do have to deal with certain side effects, and beginning college won’t be easy with these transitions. But thank the gods – life is no longer hopeless.
My heart is so full.