you’re feeling bad so you manage to type out a post through the haze of nothing that’s consuming you, and you publish it at midnight, when not one goddamn person is going to read it.
even though it was a raging block of text with barely any punctuation and a complete disregard for capitalisation, when only three people read it your stomach sinks.
and despite telling yourself your blog is for you you you, you’ve had this dreaming of writing for the world since you were ten, but how can you ever get a journalism degree if no one wants to read your words? (self pity precludes the thought that maybe if you put in effort once in a while things could be different).
it’s a sabotage that feels like killing yourself very very slowly