- my poetry · 1) EVERYTHING

haunted

Hello, did you wake up feeling like a poetry critic today? If so, I’ve got two versions of this poem, and I’m wondering which you prefer (if it’s even any good at all). I know it’s not much, but I sort of want to continue it and am trying to decide which to go with.

ONE

I glimpsed the sunrise
As I stumbled into bed
I flicked the light off
And I lay down my head

My mind was empty
For the first time in days
But then intoΒ my dreams
Crept your sapphire gaze

or

TWO

I saw the sun
As I fell into bed
Flicked off the lamp
And I lay down my head

My mind wasn’t tortured
– the first time in days
Then intoΒ my dreams
Crept your sapphire gaze
~ATP

It’s 7:24 and I still haven’t slept, so I’ll be doing that now. Sorry for whatever this is

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “haunted

  1. I like a combination of the two.

    I glimpsed the sunrise
    as I fell into bed,
    flicked the lamp off
    and lay down my head.

    My mind wasn’t tortured
    for the first time in days,
    but then into my dreams
    crept your sapphire gaze.

What did you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s