1) EVERYTHING · 3) THOUGHTS

amici

Thanks, Daily Post – I needed a timed free write. I’ve had this idea in my mind lately, and I didn’t have a chance to write it out in History today because we actually did crap. Shocking, right?

Anyway, friends…friends are difficult for me. I’m not one of those people who doesn’t have any or whatever – I have a few “best” friends, actually. But maintaining friendships is not my thing – I’m fabulous at forgetting to text back, neglecting to share information about my life, and just plain ignoring people. And even to my very closest friends, I tell very little. Emotions and personal struggles are not something I can bear to impart to other people, partly for fear of burdening them and partly because it scares me to allow people that close. Instead, I make trivial matters seem larger than they are so that it appears as if I really share what I feel. And it works fairly well.

Some high schoolers hang out with a bunch of people, talk about everything, and go everywhere with anyone. But I’ve realised I have a sort of limit emotionally and socially. It takes a great deal of effort for me to be close to someone, and I can only truly maintain a couple of friendships at a time. My “best” guy friend and I have been talking a lot more lately – nothing romantic, though we dated freshman year. We’re both in relationships, and his is quite long standing. No, there are no ulterior motives. But prior to the past week or two we had talked very little during the year. I’m not sure why – we tend to do that. But as I’ve gotten closer to him again, I’ve gone in the other direction with another of my best friends – it’s not all me, she’s very busy, both at home and school – but I haven’t made an effort. As I said, emotionally and socially I think I have a limit. And what with getting myself into a relationship (what is wrong with me) this past week, I have less tolerance and willingness to reach out than ever before, because opening up even a little to him takes a toll on me.

Company is something I rarely crave, and for that reason I have to make myself constantly aware of the state of my friendships, because I don’t feel the drawbacks of withdrawal while the other person might be wondering why on earth I’m mad at them or something.

I don’t know that it’s something I need to work on or change, and I don’t think I could if I tried. It’s just an observation.

~ATP

P.S.

I’ve been around a lot less lately because finals are next week. I promise I’ll be more actively reading and writing after all that.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “amici

  1. Friends will move in and out of your life quite a bit in high school, Victoria. When you find somebody you connect enough with to really want to share the good stuff in your head and soul, you’ll know it. All these decades later, I have one person from high school that I am still very much real-life friends with, a few others I have contact with through FB that I consider friends, and a couple that I wish I knew where life had taken them. Total: About a half-dozen. So there’s just my personal measuring stick for you. You are so normal.

  2. Good luck with finals Victoria.

    After finals, and when you have a chunk of you time, try taking this free test. It’s a personality inventory based on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. It might tell you something about yourself that you didn’t realize. Blog the results if you feel like sharing or have questions.

    https://sapa-project.org/

What did you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s