It fizzes in my mouth
Like a hardened piece of memory
Dancing on my tongue
Like a fading chunk of sanity
The flavour was so unique (to me at least)
So completely tied to that country
that time, that place…
It all floats before my closed lids….
His face frozen in a laugh
The foreign music of the little bar
The buzz of the alcoholic cider
The nip of the cold air….
The air that bit my face as the goosebumps appeared
But I didn’t care
She could see the glittering lights inside
the people twirling on the dance floor like all they felt was the glow of the moment
But she felt everything, so here was where she wanted to be
under the cold starlight
the chilly air
the bright moon high in the night sky like a lamp
who refused to fade just for a couple of teenagers who deserved everything and wanted nothing
Like a lamp that revealed every emotion and flicker of thought she harboured … but as she found out later, it was only illuminating her face while the nighttime hid everything else
He stood there at her shoulder as she gazed into the room, wondering how they could dance
marveling at how they moved
and never once wanting to be one of them
But he mistook the gaze of admiration for one of longing
He saw her peer into the cozy light and thought she wanted to escape the murky cold
she never did.
she should have said so.
In that, she ended it
She let him lead her inside by the sleeve of her sweater, black like the turmoil engulfing her
and now I realise that maybe I thought he wanted the light.
But he didn’t
We didn’t belong there, either of us.
Which is why we belonged together.
I never should have set foot over that threshold, entered that room.
Maybe things could have been different.
Maybe there wouldn’t be so many regrets
Regrets. Ah. A funny word. All those things you cling to, wish you would have done, pray for a second chance…but did you…I….we….really want it different?
*Sorry it’s… strange. Maybe slightly incomprehensible and difficult to follow. Writing memories is tricky business*