Dreams. I despise them.
I despise the feeling of waking in the dark, grasping breathlessly for reality, unable to comprehend whether what just happened, happened.
Nightmares – the ghosts and fire and evil countenances that weave themselves throughout your subconscious – are dreadful. Everything is suddenly more frightening; even the rustle of your own bedsheets as you hid under the covers is enough to make you jump.
But the good dreams, oh, the good dreams are the worst. Because you believe they really might be possible. You awake with the scent of hopefulness hovering in the air and happiness engulfing your heart and just for a moment everything might be okay. But then his arms around you slip away or your childhood laughter fades into the sound of traffic on the street outside and all you are left with is the empty desire for something you’ll never have.
And, perhaps most frustratingly, once you dream about someone, they and whatever your mind twisted their personality into are lodged in your thoughts for an undetermined amount of time. For instance, there’s this guy. (There’s always a guy, isn’t there?) And I am much more emotionally invested in him than I should be, considering his complete lack of feelings for me. Since no one knows, I am trying to quietly worm my way out of this major crush thing my feelings decided was a good idea, but it’s not going so well.
Anyway, my best friend was thinking about having him over the other day and I was silently praying no because if something happened between the two of them I don’t think I could handle it. I’d pretend to, but really I couldn’t. He never went over, thankfully, but the occasion apparently was dream-worthy, because the night before last the two of them cropped up in my dreams, constantly together and making out. And the worst part was that there was no emotional connection between them so it could just as easily have been me.
Then when I woke up and my absolute horror dissolved into relief, I was angry. Angry with my best friend for something she “did” in a stupid dream. And I couldn’t get rid of the feeling. And now the thought of the two of them is hovering right over my head. It’s completely irrational.
Every time I have a dream something like this happens, and it’s unbelievably frustrating.
I’m just glad I’ve had this whole weekend to “get over” this imaginary event.
I need to go to bed. Hopefully free of dreams.
You probably think I’m crazy, but that’s why I tell you guys these things. You’ll understand. If I told my friends I’d probably be banished to the fringes of society. Well, further than I am already