this independence i have clung to like a religion
is ebbing away, day by day
and i’m not sure where it’s going so i don’t know how to get it back.
is some other girl out there, secretly insecure and silently strong
realising the power she has, the power that was mine?
when have i wanted something animate to hang on to,
when have i wanted anybody to hold me,
when have i wanted anything, anyone, besides what i can get for myself?
i don’t know what has happened, so please little girl
wherever you are
send me a postcard with what i have lost
because i don’t like feeling lonely, and anxious, and not enough
and i don’t like holding on to that which i cannot keep.
where did i go?