1) EVERYTHING · 3) THOUGHTS

Getting (too) Real – High school

I’m just going to dive right in here. It’s not the workload of advanced classes that is the problem. These classes are a conscious choice, and though tedious, they’re certainly doable.

But.

The psychological and emotional effect of always knowing that there’s one more thing to do can be devastating. There’s only a second’s relief of having a paper finished, because you know that there’s a lab report to do and a math worksheet to finish. And even when those things are all completed, there’s always the test next week to study for.

Then the AP exam.

Summer isn’t even a break, because there’s that SAT or ACT that determines your future to revising for.

And even after all that there is f….udging college to consider – researching, getting scholarships, doing clubs and community work and application packets so thick you could use them as a night stand.

Every single moment you have to yourself is shattered by “Oh crap what about….?” 

So no, I shouldn’t complain about my homework and textbooks and studying, because this is the path I have chosen to follow. But I do, because it’s the closest I can get to expressing this deeper, truer, issue…. the cycle is never over. It’s exhausting, and it’s only getting more intense every goddamn year, and I’m fairly sure it’s a large part of the reason my overall mental state (and I don’t mean this at all as a joke or an exaggeration) is seriously out of balance. I mean, no, I’m not medically going crazy or something, but every day I struggle a little more to keep it together in the face of all this shit.

And I cannot cannot cannot cannot be the only one who feels like this. Right? Please? Someone?

 

~A Girl Who For Once Doesn’t Want to Be Different

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